If any of you have been following me on Twitter over the weekend you may have seen my epic battle with node.js, MongoDB, socket.IO, Expess, and ImpactJS. It was like one of those jelly wrestling matches you see with drunk people fighting in kiddie pools, except instead it was me wearing pajama pants and a hoodie against a gang of five web technologies/libraries opening a can of whoop-ass on me.

Here’s the blow-by-blow:

• ImpactJS was first in the ring and I took it down easily with a well-practiced body slam. It got a mouthful of jelly and retreated into a sad corner.

• Node.js and MongoDB waded into the jelly next, attacking me from both sides. I didn’t know which one to take on first! I had a slight advantage when I realized that I had already installed node.js before and delivered a good punch to its face, temporarily knocking it out while I attempted to deal with Mongo.

• Then the two started complaining that Express wasn’t installed, so it climbed into the ring next. By this time Impact was slightly recovered and wobbled toward me, flailing its arms. I still don’t even know wtf Express does, but I tackled it head-first which at least made it stop kicking me in the face repeatedly while simultaneously making my head hurt…a lot.

• As this was all happening, Socket.IO climbed into the mix and helped Impact up. They jumped on my back and suffocated me with their joint madness! It was now a full on brawl - you couldn’t tell jelly from blood. My blood. Think of it like a pillow fight except with baseball bats.

• My fighting style was akin to my usual fighting game style - mash random buttons until something goes down. I still don’t know wtf half this crap does, but it seemed to work. I subdued the five enough to make ImpactJS work with socket.IO to send snail entries to the MongoDB database. With that, we were done for the weekend.

Tonight we will be facing round two: updating and deleting entries, followed by a rudimentary user login and snail assignment system.

And so continues the adventure of A Game of Snails: Shell of your former self.